The very few time I ever blog now is when I’m in a rough patch. Plus I’ve been lying in bed for two hours now, unable to sleep. But it’s really a great outlet for me to blog cause sometimes when I tell people what’s on my mind, they don’t understand how serious I am or how affected I really am. I just feel like I’m so, misunderstood (like all those misunderstood teens LOL). But recently someone I would consider closer to me then all my other friends here at Purdue completely betrayed me. She let me down. Not only was she my friend but she is suppose to be my sister. The other one, whom I don’t see as close who is also my sister, did the same but I wasn’t as disappointed. This chain of disappointment was also reemphasized by not getting elected for a position I really wanted because the doubt in my competence in Treasurer math. Way to call me stupid behind my back indirectly (well that’s what I got from it). At this point, my drive for “sisterhood” and anything chapter is at an all time low. I was more into chapter then my whole line and even some of the older girls all semester long and I feel like I got nothing out of it. It pains me to think that I might had wasted my summer and all semester for a worthless cause (since I will see no org as something I should support when I get treated as a fool). I even feel like some of the younger girls can’t see pass my bubbly goofy personality to respect me. I just don’t have it in me right now to do anything. I mean, to make it better I’m sick and trust me I am the most needy dead of everything sick person ever. Maybe not ever but I just can’t do anything productive when I’m sick cause my brain shuts off. To bring it back to the betrayal, in relations to it, one of my favorite most lovely roommate hasn’t paid me the utility bill in two months now. So I’m planning on not paying for the next one till see pays me back. It’s so funny too cause being awake for two hours I have noticed that this girl did not turn off the hallway lights. This is important cause she’s one of the roommates that complains about how large our electricity bill is. I mean obvious everyone else in the house needs to conserve while she leaves all the lights on in the house (claiming she always turns them off) and leave her tv on 24/7 also. It’s just plain obvious that we need to conserve as much as we can to make up for her. Like duh! Also I don’t know who’s messing with the thermostat but our management warned us to leave the heater on a minimum of 60 to avoid freezing pipes. So we all agreed to leave it on 60 so everyone can buy their own portable heaters and just bundle up (I for one didn’t care but personally would like the heater). But someone or multiple people turn it off or decide that they’re going to turn the heat on whenever they want. Can the girls in this house really just say something truthful that they’re going to stick to for once. My suspicion is on the smart girl who owes me money. I cannot begin in the amount of bullshit this girl shoots out of her mouth at us and all over the house.
After that rant I already feel so much better. Even though that was maybe 3/4 of it. Only a reminder that I am not meant to have friends if my female species.
I am a lone wolf.
Everyone in my house is angry (feels like it) and it’s kind of weird…
Guess I’ll be a good girl and do my homework and clean my room tomorrow to not make things worse -_____-
May 28th, 2013: 12:56 AM Tuesday
Spiraling again, don’t know what to do.
May 27th, 2013. Monday. Early Morning.
I haven’t written in forever.
But again, it’s not all too common to see tumblrs that actually have blog posts. But eh I like getting my thoughts out like this every once in awhile.
What have I been up to lately? Well, i’ve been stuck in Indiana doing a month of summer school. I can’t wait to get back to California. To finally see my poop head. Only two more weeks of summer school, finishing all the episodes of bar rescue/whatever other series I need catching up in, and getting back in shape. Though the ankle still in the process of healing from it’s sprain is really killing the gym sessions. My knees also going out…sigh so many problems. About my bar rescue mention above, it’s so amazing. I’m obsessed, though I watched this series backwards LOL. Well I guess that’s all I have to say right now.
12 More Days Till Home
It bothers me so much
that you walk around becoming friends with everyone carelessly. That i’m left to sit in the pity that you have done to me. Would people still be friends with you if they knew what kind of monster you are? Would one of my closer friend, whom I don’t speak to, see you in a different light? So many times I’ve been tempted to share my story. Ruin your reputation to every single person. But I can’t bring myself to.
HAHAHHAHAA people. 10.19.12
I lolololol at the nerve of people. I personally don’t think I even hashtag that much (maybe I do, idk) but, to the main point, for someone to tell you to go die because of simply hashtagging too much is ridiculous. Also to make it clear he wasn’t joking since he also said no fucks were given after I told him ok I would (that was actually a joke). For all you still going ahhh it was a joke take it lightly, hear me out. I don’t know him that well and he doesn’t know me that well; what if I was mentally/emotionally unstable and thinking everyone hates me. What if that one comment telling me to go die was all I needed to finally commit suicide? Although these are all what ifs, think about it. This shit actually happens. Your silly cyber bullying can actually make a difference in someone’s life and all those that it may affect. Why do you even bother? It just bugs me so much that a boy can come to the nerve to just go around telling people to go die for something as silly as hashtagging. Maybe I’m taking this too serious. Maybe I need to lighten up. Just maybe. But then again, maybe those two words were the two words, if said to someone else, would be all it takes to end another life out of stupidity and bullying.
I can’t log into my flickr account because I deactivated fb and everything is all fucked up now in both places.
AMAZING RACE: OCT 1st, 2012
OMAHGGAHHHH. ERMGAHHH. I love this show. I’m so bummed I have to wait till I’m 21 to be on it. I’m also kind of bummed that it’s in shanghai. I kind of miss that city. WAHHHHHHHHH. WHY AINT I OLD ENOUGH. I’m so pumped that the new season started though.
12:41 am Sept 30th, 2012
LOL well since I deactivated Facebook, I have more time to tumblr! I also haven’t written in awhile so here it issssssssss
I guess I’ll update whoever actually reads these in what has been going on lately. Just a lot of school. College is hard. For the high school kids, learn your shit because they expect you to know it well in college. Don’t be like me and not take Calculus because you don’t like math. Take it and suffer so you will suffer less when you take it at college.
I just came back to the gym, third time this week! But I gotta keep this up because I think I’m starting to get a tummy. :(. I’ve also recently started listening to Drake a lot again. <3 I’m still dying to see him live.
Ok now I need a shower so I’m not finishing this LOL
LLOL 6:16 AM
HELL YEAH. Finish my research case study shit for bio the morning of…bad high school habits in college WEEEEEEEEEEEE! I also drank a monster which is bad since I’m not suppose to have caffeine. hehehhee. But Yeah…l’m kind of loopey and I don’t know if I should sleep now or not because I’ll have to be up in 4 hours and Idk If I can wake up in 4 hours…. AHHHHHHH!
College? 3:03 AM, August 27, 2012
So a whole week of legit school has past and I’ve been living on campus for two weeks already. So since I can’t sleep right now, I’ll share a bit about how it’s been so far.
Everyone always asks me how college is, but there is just so much going on and so much not going on at the same time that it’s hard to answer it in a short response. I mean, classes are classes. I’ve been taking community college classes and I had that one class at UPENN over the summer before now so it doesn’t feel all that new to me. Living away from my parents isn’t that hard since I’ve been doing it for the past two summers already and I’m a pretty independent person….sometimes. The weather here kind of sucks though. It’lll be hot for one second, cold in another, raining in another, and then be hot all in the same day! Freaking Indiana. People wise, I’ve met a fair share of decent people, chill people, crazy ass mofo people, beezys, and nut jobs. Having Max as a friend is definitely awesome since he has introduced me to a number of really awesome people. The food at the dinning courts aren’t bad, in fact it actually can get really damn good dishes at times. The parties and kickbacks are pretty chillin. College is definitely so much better then high school, but idk everything is just kind of aight to me. I feel kind of numb and emotionless about it all, which I find strange.
Oh well, BOILER UP EFFFFFVVVVAAAAARRRRRRBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHDDYYYY!!
August 3rd, 2012: 1:30 AM
So uh… I just watched the new jb music video. Thoughts? BIG SEAN! Also possible melancholy thoughts but its ok.
Aha I think I started one of those things where I was so suppose to post something everyday but seeing that i’m just remembering it…I obviously FAILED.
Today is going to be my last day of working at the doctor’s office. I’m excited because I’m going to finally get a week of summer while here but also sad because I actually really like going. The office ladies made my time there so much fun and I’m pretty sure I’ve picked up a few of their habits too. The summer is coming to an end so quickly… But I’m pretty excited to be heading off to Purdue soon :D Guess there’s a few things still bugging me but I’m just gonna suck it up.
I ACCIDENTALLY GOT TIMELINED!
9 Things About Myself
1. I still sleep with a blankey, yes I’m a little kid ^^
2. I follow the Christina diet, which is eat everything.
3. I watch way too many tv shows, I fear how this will affect school.
4. I love movies, especially scary ones >:)
5. I hate one word messages, I won’t message you back ever again.
6. I’m really insecure but yet really strong at the same time.
7. I’m forgetting those who have forgotten me, fuck you niggas.
8. I’m a bit technologically challenged, doors are grouped in that category.
9. I’m weird, and I like it like that….because I’m weird… HAHHA